where had all the hot men gone??

Walked in to Crown yesterday for the sister to get a hair cut. noticed the receptionist as a good looking person. nothing jaw dropping there. tan. dark hair. big dark eyes. short hair styled in to a perfect mess. making me feel rather out of place. one stud in an ear. condescending. cool. whatever.

took a seat. plugged ear phones to cut out the atmosphere. blaring rock. phasing out. pretending to read an excessively boring style mag. sense motion . look up to see the aforementioned one walking across the hall. In my head . "oh. my . God." and jaw drops. taller than the average guy. graceful stride. and erm..Greek God anyone????

Cooly turn to the magazine, chuckle to myself inwardly and ignore .

detect motion again. shadow on my mag. look up in irritation. the 'oh. my. God" and jaw drops ' happens all over again in my head . different subject. a customer who just had his hair cut i presume. tall again. (wait. how is this possible.) decent. lost puppy look .Manly as hell. guy next door but oh. my . God.

2 oh.my.Gods and jaw drops within 15 minutes.

All hot men are in Crown. and I was not paid to say that.

Last night by the door..

In the fraction of a second I took to make up my mind and open the door, they were all gone.

I had been on the phone..pacing about the living room while talking to a friend , oblivious to everything outside. And then I heard the all too familiar , heavy sound of boots. What caught my attention was that the footsteps had stopped right outside our door. staggered more like. and too close, way too close. which meant that the soldier outside was now standing on our porch. and then he had called out "MACHANG !!!!! .....MACHANG !!!!!!" ...there was distant laughter and voices...but they couldn't hear him..

I had been caught by a nameless fear, irrational..and cold as I identified the voice as one of a drunkard's. but that didn't make sense. here was a soldier , and he was DRUNK??? I had ceased my conversation altogether and I could hear my friend on the other side frantically saying my name..but i was at the door listening to the man outside calling out to his friends in his faltering voice..and now he seemed to be throwing up..

the next thing i heard were lots of heavy footsteps and one guy's audible gasp as he said "hold him ! HOLD HIM !!!! Oh he is vomiting blood"

It took only fraction of a second for all my senses to come crashing back. My hand which was on the door shot to it's handle and opened the door. but in the fraction of a second it took for all that to happen they had all taken him away. there was nothing but drops of blood near our door.

He had been ill. not drunk.

I wish I helped. I was probably the first who heard him.

from Samantha Bowling's notes..

well I dunno who she is , nor do I know the author but this is worth the read..

I have not loved the world, nor the world me, --
But let us part fair foes; I do believe,
Though I have found them not, that there may be
Words which are things, --hopes which will not deceive,
And virtues which are merciful, or weave
Snares for the failing: I would also deem
O'er others' griefs that some sincerely grieve;
That two, or one, are almost what they seem, --
That goodness is no name, and happiness no dream.

Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage
Canto 3, CXIV

Byron
(Artist's Rendition)

Daddy's girl

I have a profound respect for my old man. More than love , and fear that naturally comes if I happen to wake his wrath, i respect him.

He puts food on the table, having worked, shopped AND single handedly cooked it himself and manages to revolve his life around all his children, his work, his colleagues, his family, his sitar practice, his patch of garden, his sick friend in the hospital, read ALL the papers, a bit of a latest book AND his evening drink, and call my mother and talk to her for hours ,all in one day. all i can do is to wonder in awe. I dunno how he manages it, it is hard enough for me to get through just one single day.

Coffee doesn't run for 5 hours. It is only polite to call home if you won't turn up for dinner. not that he will worry.The farthest he will go will be to get one sibling call the other.

There was a time when i was much younger i used to abide by all his rules. and like all children i naturally resented them. then i started to break the rules. coming home so late, just to see him leaving home to work, not calling if i was getting late. not saying where i was going. and then i grew up. so did he. and we called it truce.

now he doesn't question my actions out of respect i believe ( naively maybe ) and i , respecting him for all that he is , the imperfect hero of my world, abide by all that is right. i call him if i get late, i tell him , even if doesn't ask where i am , who i am with, and try to make it home for dinner. He usually doesn't even say a word . i call and update him and he says 'hmph' and click . i turn up home for dinner and he asks me to feed the dog.

I am going to be 24 this November but i am still Daddy's girl. so don't question it all you rebellious, stubborn, we do what we like whether our fathers like it not people. Don't ask me to break the unwritten rules or step over the non mentioned invisible boundaries. I don't appreciate it.

When they grow up..

He is a good kid. he always was. he had over grown hair and a passion for ink on his skin and a party was never a party without him around . and if anyone needed any help , he was the first to turn up. and some little pest broke his heart. now , he walks around in neatly cropped hair, and flinches at the mention of a night out . smiles at me as if to suggest that it is ok. Tells me he finally got the guts to choose to leave the country.a broken heart is alright. He is calm. Too calm. It terrifies everyone around him. he is growing up. i see bits and pieces of my own broken emotions on his calm face and it breaks me further more. he is not my blood brother but he doesn't need to be. I'm gonna break that b*** face if I meet her.

Dimmu Borgir- Blessings Upon The Throne Of Tyranny(cover)

"Condemnation of life by the living dead
What a premature judgement, contradiction to the core
How unfortunate I am, cursed to spend time on a battle already won
The shame that will be guarding your grave says it all
Retreat to the crypt and make it worthwhile
Recall my sins furthermore but still be watching yours with a smile"

An afterthought to Dark Knight..

Some people flip a coin to choose. The good, the bad, ..bah !!just two sides of the same thing. no question of morality there.

Some people do not necessarily flip a coin, but they do not necessarily live with their conscience either.
They switch from angel with the most impressive halo to evil king from hell in the time it takes to say 'whatthehell???"

But some folks, say , like me, for an instance, let our conscience drag us all over the floor, being beaten half to death, all the while we are pleading for mercy.

I just can't fathom which one of us are worse.

Tease me why don't ya?

The hot Account Head : "this is just to tease the event a bit.."

Colleague to my left writes on her notepad : "Don't mind if he teased me instead"

Me : HAHAHAHAHA... oh. sorry.

feeling adventurous

I'm talking about POP MEI cup noodles straight out of the cup !!

in my head..

I used to walk home after school and he used to walk on the other side. later we had started at the same O/L classes and become friends. Him, his childhood friend with gorrgeous eyes, and me. then time had run out and we had moved out of Mount Lavinia leaving them behind. His friend had stopped talking to me ( Trev u jerk! if you are reading this, i found out last year why and frankly, i think you should have told me ) and we had remained best buddies.

After A/L's he had started studying something i did not understand , i had ventured in to my own life. but he had always called couple of times a week. couple of calls a week in to about seven years is enough to make two people bestest buddies i guess. we would go round and round, i would get my heart broken , and he would laugh his evil laugh at me, and continue his frivolous life. he would get involved with politics i would threaten to disown him. he would still laugh at me.

Today. after all these years . of being the best buddies. of never meeting up but still being friends.he stops by my office.

one minute . all it took was one minute.

The guy in my head who was a frail boy in white uniform suddenly changed in to the man i was blinking confusedly at. i guess he took it worse. he had always imagined me to be the school girl too. and could not get over my corporate shirt OR my drop earrings.

who we saw against who we imagined each other to be..

Always the case.

The perfect study date

..includes two clashing subjects, one study plan, numerous rounds of hot chocolate , swapping stories late in to the night, talking to two sneaky people on the other side of the planet( one grinning like an idiot and the other pretending to be a talking microwave), and one piano piece early in the morning .

Cat and Dog files ( 1 )

Oh this cat !!! this tailless smug ginger cat. this thug of a cat. assuming the looks of an innocent kitty , pretending to be asleep , snuggled comfortably on my mothers' beautiful couch, pretending to be the best house cat on earth. it could be an underworld assassin by night, and the other cats in the vicinity may tremble in sheer terror and may run away whenever it approaches but now, on this couch, it is the next best thing to a sleeping baby..or puppy eyes..

tired of its own pretence..now opens its eyes..yawns...which is just a clever disguise to impress the audience , which includes me and a dog who believes ignorance is bliss, of its unbelievably sharp teeth...and proceeds to blink in the most condescending manner at the dog sprawled near my feet who is obviously not allowed on the couch..the dog feeling the stare on its back, looks up wrinkling its forehead , her floppy ears attempting to straighten up but failing miserably..and goes back to sleep.

the cat now deviates its attention to the TV whilst getting more comfortable on the pieces of the news paper that i have laid next to me after reading..i change the channel and it turns its head to stare at me as if to say "oh u humans !!" the dog senses the tension between me and the cat and start to growl ...quite possibly hoping that the cat will come to play. the dog is incapable of hatred., provocation is just means of amusement. oh well. can't say i don't agree.

"oh u two !! cut the drama will u !!!! " I pull the pieces of newspaper underneath the cat , step over the dog and walk off.