I wonder..

Does my soul run as deep as I think it does, making me that much more shallow?

Do I fight for my sanity so hard it makes me utterly insane??

Am I so unbelievably unstable that it keeps me down right tied down???

Do I love and hate with equal ferocity that it makes me completely indifferent???



Yes, I think so, yes.

The bleeding by Five Finger Death Punch ( unplugged cover )

about time I posted this.

"Im better off without you, you are better off without me.." \m/

Always be my baby ( David Cook )

:D enjoy !!!

Preserving the human in me

There's something fundamentally wrong about someone who speak to you in complete filth. There's something even more wrong about someone who at the slightest indication of his aspirations not being fulfilled, turns completely sadistic and evil and utterly inhumane. something to do with their upbringing i presume.

I will walk away, but i will not turn evil. i think i will try to preserve the human in me.

I loved you thus asked you to wait. If you did not want to , and do not want anything to do with me, then it is entirely your call.

I was wrong to assume that you loved me back. assume that it was you who took out the cynic in me. assume that you were a better human being than i could ever be.

It has nothing to do with power. It was a simple sentiment of love. that's all. so go flatter yourself now. I am still human.

Pan cakes :D

"aww. would you look at the moon!!" i said to Exon and he said "come along now, there's no time for sentiments".

we were going to buy eggs to make pancakes.

pancakes.

The one thing to up lift your spirits at a moments notice. the easiest recipe for happiness.

flour. eggs. you can fold the white and the yolk seperately. or not. add salt , a bit of butter if you want. cook for three minutes,. wait for little bubbles to cover the surface, cook the other side, slather in Strawberry jam ( maple syrup, whipped cream, honey, sugar..try whatever you want ), eat while they are hot.

p.s

freeze left overs.

Saturday - A Diary Post

walked home yesterday with shawty just for the heck of it . this is the second time this week i took a walk home. can never beat the 40 minute record of course. but it is certainly better than the bus , I know that for sure. Im cutting down on tuk tuks. the sun was golden and the wind was plenty..the sky , lots of pretty colours..even the moon was up , sort of smudged by the rain clouds. ..glad i was in flats. All that was missing was Sandun De Silva walking home with me ;)


went home , sat on the bed to breathe. a wave of exhaustion ran over me. i lay back , playing with the phone and i woke up , it was suddenly 10.30 pm. i was woken by daddy dear who was wondering out (very) loud whether i was feeling alright..who having ascertain that i am just groggy and grumpy, proceeded to sing . something from the stage drama "Nari Bena" . He and I watched it last Tuesday..me having nothing else to do on a mundane Tuesday night went along for the ride. and it was fun. the only dose of Sinhalese stage drama comes when my father drags me to see one. and i am thankful . it was so much fun , some parts of songs and dialogues just got stuck in my head..




It's a whole new episode of boredom these days. i am over conscious of seconds ticking away..i have zero distractions in my head, thanks to all the people who have left , with their voices and their memories...some sharper than the rest..some soothing but some hurtful and vivid. i am worried about being inside my own head. it sometimes throws sentences in to my mind , just to see my reaction and I recoil not wanting to react at all. I need noises. Lots of metal if you please.

Saturday , here at work. work keeps one sane.

Ace told me not to alienate myself whenever I am down. I tried communicating for a while. its pretty tiring of course. so i retreated. meaningless. this is down right pathetic.

Hitting the beach with an old friend today. It surprises me as to how i long for company. I need all that I can get I guess. company that requires no voices to fill the void. The same void that presses against me even in my over cluttered four by three cubicle. over consciousness.

p.s

I think my cubicle is smaller than four by three.

My weekend ( tagged )

Here's to Deecee !

at last , an exciting ( in a really weird way ) weekend..after how long, i really dunno...

Friday, packed up, got the dog and left col at 2.30. arrived home in the evening. after tea, scrubbing, washing, mopping , sweeping started. Sisters' boy friend and his family was officially visiting us !! oh joy !!!

Told thatta not to panic. he is just a guy. and is a nice one too.

Saturday, scrubbing, cleaning, continued. Had a random chat with brother about his future. he seemed to have lost his cool for the first time in 19 years . The thought of 'future' seem to be an overwhelming one.

Guests arrive. 8 from there side. like 25 from ours. One big party. who made tea like 100 times?? The Middle Child. and it was raining. Father dear was running late. He had bought himself a new shirt too !! which of course I agreed was a good choice and he seemed less nervous.

The lunch goes on . Amma's chef is a solid .

Party over .

MIddle Child gets in the middle of a fight and is strangled. If not for my brave family, I would be dead by now and I am not at all kidding. But thank you, I am ok except for a sore arm and a neck.

Sunday back in col. attending class. cuts class by 2.30. home. lunch. sleep. head ache. online.

I'd say that was a pretty good weekend.

I re-affirm. I am lucky to be born to my highly dysfunctional family.

boredom..

yaaaawn. chucka chuckachuckachukachucka chuck. chuckchuckachuckchuckachuck.

yaaaaawwwwwn. blink. blink. strech.

chuckchuckhuckchuckchuckchuck chuckachukachuck. backspace. chuck. chuck. yaaaawwwwwn. send.

yaaaaaawwwwn.

trrriing...trring.

!%$**%!!!#*!!!

yyaaawwwwn..yellow....mhmm......aha,.....yeah......k......

slam.

yaaaaaawwwn.