End of August..

Ending August with a weary sigh..Tired and defeated but putting everything away for the moment..said goodbye to a lot of people who mattered . Some good byes are forever it seems, some for a few years , some , until next summer...Some were met with uncontrollable tears, some with utter silent heartbreaking defeat, some with a simple hug. It is a tedious task , letting go. These people have taken parts of my heart with them.

I miss you. I hope you know that.

A meeting..

His deep elaborate voice was filling the board room..his long hands sometimes stretching to point something on the screen or sometimes casually running through his hair and I caught my boss grinning at me..I sat perfectly still just concentrating on his voice and it wasn't all that hard since the essence of the discussion was rather interesting..but I could see the effect he had on my client. In my head i made a face and shook my head in disapproval while keeping my face perfectly blank. he was of course being himself. I could see that. He was using his aura to get to my client..he had already impressed my boss and my boss urged me to see him for his professional self and I chose indifference.

Earlier that afternoon we had picked him and his colleague from their office. we admitted we had met before when my boss introduced us, and I recalled it was one and half years ago but I just nodded and said nothing.

I had met him first when my one of my closest friends introduced us who wanted his help with something and he wanted a comic collection which she knew I had.

At the time , I was on the brink of hurting myself. I was a wreck. I was a heart broken wreck. I had been betrayed and destroyed.

And he had become my rebound guy.

The thing about a rebound I now think is that you never really see the other person for who they are. You are just comforted and it is that one feeling that keeps you together. Of course it helped that he was adorable.

But he left. he left the country for work and never kept in touch.

and I , the fool , waited for closure, ( have you noticed how hard it is to move on without proper closure?? ) which didn't come for a long time.

I hated him for the ending but he had saved me thus making further hatred not so possible.

and I sat across him yesterday and went through with that meeting and both of us never said anything to each other. I think we both had that 'I don't know you so don't mess with me ' attitude going on.

In retrospective, I think the whole thing was rather silly.

It was a long time ago. We never had real feelings for each other but the little time we did spend with each other was good. And we knew each other. so why the pretence? why couldn't we just talk like normal two people who had met after a long time? In an ideal world in an ideal time i think I would have. no wait. even now I can do that. this is too small a place, too short a life not to, don't you think?

The devil and me

just this morning , I almost sold my soul off to the devil. almost.

The wall of my memories

The wall of my memories is falling. Leaf by leaf, memory by memory. The pieces that I had painstakingly gathered together, and stuck on the darkened wall with double tape. The proverbs, the movie tickets, the concert tickets, the post cards, pieces of articles, they are leaving the wall, one by one. Wake up one day, one leaf on the floor, come home in the evening, a movie ticket.

I gather them all up, the fallen memories off my wall, and keep them inside a book. I don’t have any more double tape left :D

biting your tongue

The toughest thing about 'biting your tongue' is just that.


you require an extraordinary amount of self control just not to say the one thing you are dying to say. you loose a lot of sleep , you wither away just by trying.

So after about a decade you conclude that the urge to call that person and say that one thing you are dying to say no longer prevails.

After you come to this conclusion and being very happy about yourself you get up , get dressed, marvel at the sunshine, go down , make your tea, come back to your room and single mindedly call that one person anyway.

so much for biting your tongue.

broken by Lifehouse

Broken...

Learning to die

It was nice of Jon Foreman to say "I've been learning how to die". i wish we could just skip the learning part and just get on with it already .



p.s

I'm gonna miss you
I'm gonna miss you
When you're gone
She says, I love you
I'm gonna miss you
And your songs

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
She said, friend

All along I thought
I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

Hey everyone
I've got nowhere to go
The grave is lazing me
He takes our body slow

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
I said, friend,
All along I thought
I was learning how to take

How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die
Die, die
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die


- Jon Foreman-

Sunday blues

tomorrow i have a paper in International finance right? it is 11 pm now and i am online. i am supposed to answer 60 questions. now. Thanks to a tiring day today i fell asleep from 7 up until now and the neighbours are having a party. oh joy !!! tomorrow is going to be a long long Sunday.

IS THE CLOWN DEAD?????

erm..anyone know where the clown is?? he is not dead right???

Quotable Quotes

"If you are paranoid about crossing the road , cross the road anyway"
- Daddy Dear-

"If your sister needs the vehicle to go to the bank , (which if walked , would take only 5 minutes,) I will make sure she gets it . you of course prefer walking no?"
-Daddy Dear-


"The first born is a spoilt brat"
- Middle Child-

"It's called discrimination. Against the first born"
-Daddy Dear-
" Of course"
-Middle Child-

little cousin coo

she is 10 inches tall and shrieks all the time. I never get what she is saying even when i am paying extra attention.....she head bangs to "ichchi pichchi haawa" and gets me to dance with her..she tries to hug the dog the way i do , and the dog looks at her with mild disdain..i can see that the dog is terrorized by this little person.. but then again so is my 19 year old brother.. the weirdest thing is , she is the happiest person I know plus she never gets tired..even in the middle of the night , she will demand that you play with her, show her around the same house that you have been showing her around for the whole freaking day. she pulls my hair one by one, she never lets me alone.."please , someone , take her back to her mother" i beg at one point , and then she falls asleep, assuming the looks of an angel.

Little cousin coo..the bestest thing in the world :D

random rants..

I was letting my hot chocolate go cold..for the first ever time in my life..never let any hot beverage get cold before you drink it. that's my policy. um..or something like that. drink it while it can still burn your tongue.



A friend was talking..her voice filling the void around me..and i was thinking of shells and walls and the ignorant person who is now 12 hours behind me and another person who will be..goodbyes and "so good to see you"s...and work and email and being online and how annoying my once adorable ballet flats have become... how tired i am of all of it...how very tired....



and... i was letting my hot chocolate get cold..

that guy..

you know that hot guy at work? the one who doesn't see you at all? hangs out with the hottest woman around too?

well i was sitting at the canteen couple of days back, and he comes all smiling and everything and I , well, i was just sitting there trying to eat..so he lives his life, as hot as he is ( it IS kinda unbelievable how hot he is ) and me , mine , so what the heck right?

wrong. he was smiling. at me. my brain froze i think. thus taking too long to wonder who he was smiling at. and after a moment he quickly went past me as he always does. I do not exist. so i casually looked around and ..erm...i draw the curtain of sympathy for my own self around me at this point coz there were no people around .it was me and my friend. ..I quickly look at my friend and she has this bewildered questioning look on her face..

I Didn't smile back did I??

oh well.